Standing in your full weight

Years ago me and my husband were on holiday in Canada and visited a sky scraper. One of the floors had a glass tiled area in the centre through which we could see traffic like ants on the streets hundreds of metres beneath our feet. The tour guide told us that the glass was so thick and strong it could withstand the weight of dozens of jumping elephants without breaking. But my husband, who is not so good with heights would not stand on it at first. He knew the truth of how strong the glass was but he couldn't bring himself to stand on it with all his weight just in case. Eventually he placed one foot on the glass floor, keeping the other foot firmly on the more solid looking flooring.

There can often be a gap between what we know to be true intellectually and how we act in practise. My husband knew the truth about the strength of the glass but was acting as though it was too fragile to carry his weight.

This can be the case in our Christian life from time to time. We can know the truth but act as though we believe something entirely different.

For example many times when I'm about to write a sermon or prepare to serve in church in some way i get hit by a wave of fear and doubt. I will think about what a poor disciple I am. I've not read the bible or prayed as faithfully as I should. I've run to my friends first in a moment of crisis and then turned to God as an afterthought. I've been lazy and undisciplined, choosing Netflix over bible study.

Knowing this about myself, I panic that God won't speak to me through the readings for that service. I worry that he will retaliate for my unfaithfulness by staying silent and distant and leaving me stranded at the pulpit with nothing to say.

Why do I go through this panic sometimes?

I think it's because my picture of God and my understanding of my relationship with Him needs correcting from time to time. In those moments of panic, the truth of who God is has been skewed in my mind somehow and I'm imagining an angry God instead of a loving Father. I'm seeing a stern figure who is quick to retaliate and punish. A harsh critic who is constantly waiting to point out how far short I fall from his perfect standards.

And yet the truth revealed to us in scripture and in the life of Jesus Christ couldn’t be more different. The Word tells us that God is gracious, forgiving, slow to anger, unfailing in love.

The truth is clear to me intellectually but in my fears I am acting as though something else is true. Just like my husband on the glass floor.

Am I alone in this? Or can anyone else relate?

This struggle to keep our Faith aligned with the truth of God is real sometimes.

And it is so important what we believe because, when we have a vision of an ungracious God, it affects how we behave.

We can start to strive to 'earn' our way into God's good books. Hoping our actions and good deeds will impress Him enough for Him to be gracious to us.

We can be slow to confess when we sin because we are acting as though He may remove His good grace from us at any moment when he discovers who we really are and sees our flaws.

This can lead to a cautious relationship with God where we obsess over rule-keeping and religiosity instead of having a healthy fear and honour of a God who is Holy but who also asks us to call Him our Father.

If this isn't just me and if others also have this struggle with the gap between faith and behaviour from time to time, what can we do?

Well the reading from Paul's letter to the Romans today can help us to find the solution to the problem of what to do when our vision of God and our standing with Him is skewed?

1. Seek the truth

What is the true picture? The Word tells us that we are standing in God's good grace. It is a free gift- and not something we can earn, no matter how hard we try. It is something we must believe that we stand in.

The Gospel message tells us that we can have Peace with a Holy God despite our flaws, despite our failures, despite our weaknesses and stumbles. Through Jesus' life, death and resurrection, this position of peace with God has already been obtained for us.

This is the true picture of our position.

2. Recognise the lie.

It's easy to lose our grasp on this truth from time to time. We are born and raised in this world and shaped by our environment and life experiences. We absorb the culture surrounding us that is quick to demonise people who need help - whether that's those claiming benefits or those seeking asylum. Society can be cruel to those who are struggling because often weakness is seen as failure in this world. The world prizes independence and self-made success.

But the world is the source of the lies that so often block our vision of the truth of God.

The Bible tells us that the Wisdom of God is different to the wisdom of the world. And His Gospel shows us that we sinners are dependent on his grace and on the gift of salvation that Jesus has achieved for us.

We stand in a grace we could never earn. We are bought by a price we could never pay. And to access this truth we have to admit we need help and reject the lie that we can achieve perfection through out own efforts.

So, now we have sought the truth and rejected the lie. What next?

3. Stand on the truth.

We need to truly place our Faith in the truth of the Good News. Jesus says to his disciples: "All that the Father has is mine....the Spirit will take what is mine and declare it to you."

And what is is that Jesus has? Unity with the Father. Acceptance from the Father who tells the crowd gathered at Jesus' baptism: "This is my Beloved Son, in whom I am very pleased."

The Holy Spirit living inside us is the means through which God pours the truth of His love into our hearts.

God wants us to grasp that He loves us. He accepts us. He knows us and loves us anyway.

He knows the mistakes we've made in the past. The mistakes we are making now and the ones we will make in the future and yet that doesn't disqualify us from His love. We have obtained access to His grace. We are His beloved children, he is pleased with us.

Yes, we often suffer in this life, in this world. But if we are standing in this grace - however tentatively - we will see as we walk with God through the years, the truth of this fact and hopefully learn to stand more and more confidently in his Grace.

As we walk with God we will see that despite our stumbles and failures, God continues to show us love, forgiveness and patience. We suffer and endure the suffering and through it we learn more about God's character. We learn that He is always with us.

We see how He can use even our suffering to bring good to us. To shape our own character. To find that even in the midst of times of despair, our Faith is able to fan into flame a tiny hope. A hope that God will bring us through it. A hope that our God loves us and that we can trust that His love never stops, no matter what we are going through.

We are promised that we won't be disappointed if we cling to this hope. We can stand in God's Grace. It is strong enough to hold our weight.

When we believe this truth we will share it. When we grasp that we are flawed yet forgiven we can no longer hold on to grudges against other flawed people who have hurt us. We must be forgiving too when we remember we are standing in Grace ourselves.

This morning, I don't know how you are feeling. Maybe you are feeling fully confident in the Grace you are standing in. Perhaps you are jumping boldy in the middle of it with no fear or doubt despite what you can see around you or beneath you. Or maybe you are tentatively testing the edge of the glass, unsure it can bear the weight of the flaws and failures you are all too aware of.

However we are feeling today, let's allow God's word and His Holy Spirit to encourage our Faith with the truth.

We are standing in God's Grace. It is strong enough to carry us. And He is able to bring us through this life, and all it holds in store for us, until we are finally in His presence face to face.